So now I have to wait until Monday to call and see if there was anything out of place on the last CT scan and the breath tests I took.

Waiting… It is the devils playground for the mind.

Even though we are told not to expect the [...]]]>

No word from Doctor as yet.

So now I have to wait until Monday to call and see if there was anything out of place on the last CT scan and the breath tests I took.

Waiting… It is the devils playground for the mind.

Even though we are told not to expect the worst when waiting for medical information. We as a whole can not get away from those easy to set up thoughts.  You always want to and hope for the best. But damn it. Why does it seem easier to imagine the worst? It is not fair. It is how we are programed from childhood. Why do they do that to us? And who are “they” any way? Our parents? The media programmers from TV and Radio?  Yeah I said Radio. I am old enough to have received some of my earlier form of entertainment on the radio. We were not all rich enough to afford a TV back in the day, Yo.

And to those of you that have called me and tried to contact me on the social sites. I apologize. I have been in a funk for a while now. I am not trying to ignore you. Honestly. I Love you all so much. You know who you are.

If I name any at all then those I do not mention would more than likely get offended because I did not mention them. So lets just say those of you that are closest to me and know where I live and my phone number. That should cover it. Friends, Family and especially my PHAMILY !!!!!!

Now as my last post from the parking lot seems to have worried some of you. Don””t let it. I am NOT giving up by any stretch of the imagination. I was just trying to get some of this crap ( pardon the pun) my chest. Yes, I am so fucking tired of all the “lets test this med because the other one did not do squat”  method of doctoring. It is not only defeating to ones well being but it is expensive as well.  Yeah I have Insurance at the moment. But does not it figure that most of the meds I have to take are not classified under the good old insurance $5 per prescription plan. They range from $45 all the way to a few hundred a prescription. I had to refuse the last prescription because it was $200.00 for a weeks supply and the insurance will not cover one cent of it. So yeah. This is why I bitch and moan…

Anyway I just wanted everyone to know I am ok. I am doing the best I can from day to day.  Just got done with a breathing treatment and the shakes are back bad. But we will persevere. I do not see me going out of the house much over the next week or so. The weather is not good for me to be out. With all this rain you would think it would be ok. But along with the heat during the day it just seems to create more humidity than there was before it rained. I mean right now if I walk out of the front door and into the heat of day. I feel like I just got hit in the chest with a ten ton truck. Within a few steps I am almost completely exhausted. So I will be here at home in my electronic world for the next several days.

I Love you all,

Peace Out,

Dragon

After having the diagnoses confirmed that I now have COPD. I have been shall we say, depressed, fearful and hermit like. I guess [...]]]>

OK, so for the last few days I have been doing the “Oh, poor me” dance at home. But I need to get my ass out of it.

After having the diagnoses confirmed that I now have COPD. I have been shall we say, depressed, fearful and hermit like. I guess for right now I just have to admit I am scared.

I still have not gotten the report from the doctor about my cat scan. So that is still up in the air. I am still not back to work and the insurance company is taking their sweet time to get my compensation and payroll corrected.

So add to this the fact that I am broke until the short term disability check comes. Then this is the end of the wifes semester so lots of hard work, homework and tests. You might be able to see how I might be just a wee bit off kilter these days.

I am trying to keep a positive attitude on all this. But fuck me it is so hard to at times. I know, I Know I did this to myself. I started smoking almost 40+ years ago. But you just dont think of these things at the time. Now I do. And that is where the other post reflecting on mortality came from.

SO from what I know COPD is incurable. It can be managed but will never go away. And “Managed” can mean anything from using a small ventolin breather once in a while all the way to walking my wheezing old ass around with an O2 bottle strapped to my back and aquarium hose shoved up my nose. Great mental picture there.

Now dont get me wrong. My wife has been there for me 100%. I Love Red to death. But it is a lot on her as well. I mean with all the shit she has to deal with now and then to have this dumped on her as well. I am surprised she has not broken down yet. But Kudos to her for not. I know I will forever owe her for her love and help.

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Peace Out,

Dragon