I knew this day would eventually come. But you always think in the back of your mind that it is ok. You have time to get the things done that need to be done.
Then “BAM!”. The day that you feared is here and you have no bloody idea where to turn.
I got “THE” telephone call this morning from my employer. As of 8AM this morning October 13th, 2009 I have been separated/terminated from my employment due to my continuing health reasons.
I have what I expect to be my last appointment with my Primary Care Doctor on Oct 22, 2009 due to the fact that my Insurance runs out as of Oct 31, 2009. I need to speak to him to see what I can do for my condition when I no longer have access to his services or insurance to offset the fucking exorbitant costs of the medications I am currently on. And if there is or will be any after effects if I have to withdraw from them because I can no longer afford to get them.
I also have an appointment set to speak to a Disability Attorney on Oct 15th, 2009. My biggest fear is that I have no idea how we are going to survive until I either get the disability approved or it is denied. And if it is denied I have no idea what we are going to do. As hard as it is to get a decent paying job today I am sure it is not going to be easy no matter what.
Do I go and file for unemployment? Do I even qualify since I have been on Medical disability leave for the last several months? All these questions and as of right now, no damn answers.
The one thing that almost broke my heart this morning was when I explained to Red what the phone call was about I saw the fear in her face. The only thing she was worried about was me and my medications. What is going to happen to me.
I just wanted to reach out and hug her and tell her it was all going to be OK. I had it all under control and not to worry.
But I couldn’t. And I had to send her off to school with all this rolling around in her head. She doesn’t need the added pressure. She has enough to worry about.
I have since sent her a text to let her know of the last Doctor’s appointment and the appointment with the attorney. I can not imagine it has done anything to ease her fear. It hasn’t eased mine.
The more I read about SSI disability the more I am afraid I will be in the proverbial poor house long before anything is approved. I mean our government is not known for it’s kindness or speed of its employees when it comes to helping people out.
Red and I were just starting to get our lives back in order and things (other than my health) seemed to be falling into place. But now. I fear the worst. But I get told to look on the bright side. OK. Please explain to me just exactly what is this “Bright Side”?
I do as I am told. I follow the rules, I cross my T’s and dot my i’s. I have copied, faxed and written enough paper work to warrant the deforestation of an entire section of the amazon rain forest. Or at least it seems so.
Now comes the worst part of the beginning of this long drawn out fight to live. The waiting until I can speak with those who are supposed to know what I should do and how it is going to happen.
And of course do I look on the bright side? No of course not. But we have yet to see the bright side so I feel comfortable in saying that is why I can not see it. I don’t want to be a pain in anybody’s ass. And I know it is going to get oh so fucking hard in the next few weeks.
I feel more sorry for Red than I do for me. She internalizes so much of what bothers her when she is troubled. She needs to processes and discuss and work it out. So it leads to stress, stress and more stress. Not good for her with all she has to worry about already with school and work and my dumb ass.
Me on the other hand I am a lot more emotional in my worrying. I tend to snap, bitch and just in general be a bitchy, crabby pain in the ass.
So Right here and Now I want to tell you Red. I Apologize for anything I say or do in advance. I LOVE YOU more than anything in the universe. Please my love take that into account before you either kill me or have me committed. (lol)
Seriously though. Right now I am at a loss or a standstill. I have called who I need to and there is not much more I can do. Got all my paperwork in order as well.
Now I just wait. Fuck I hate this…
Peace Out
Dragon
RSS
I’m not going anywhere!
I love you!
We will make it through this!
Red