"Oh Poor Me" days.

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OK, so for the last few days I have been doing the “Oh, poor me” dance at home. But I need to get my ass out of it.

After having the diagnoses confirmed that I now have COPD. I have been shall we say, depressed, fearful and hermit like. I guess for right now I just have to admit I am scared.

I still have not gotten the report from the doctor about my cat scan. So that is still up in the air. I am still not back to work and the insurance company is taking their sweet time to get my compensation and payroll corrected.

So add to this the fact that I am broke until the short term disability check comes. Then this is the end of the wifes semester so lots of hard work, homework and tests. You might be able to see how I might be just a wee bit off kilter these days.

I am trying to keep a positive attitude on all this. But fuck me it is so hard to at times. I know, I Know I did this to myself. I started smoking almost 40+ years ago. But you just dont think of these things at the time. Now I do. And that is where the other post reflecting on mortality came from.

SO from what I know COPD is incurable. It can be managed but will never go away. And “Managed” can mean anything from using a small ventolin breather once in a while all the way to walking my wheezing old ass around with an O2 bottle strapped to my back and aquarium hose shoved up my nose. Great mental picture there.

Now dont get me wrong. My wife has been there for me 100%. I Love Red to death. But it is a lot on her as well. I mean with all the shit she has to deal with now and then to have this dumped on her as well. I am surprised she has not broken down yet. But Kudos to her for not. I know I will forever owe her for her love and help.

Peace Out,

Dragon